Screwface

A youth offenders unit.   9 young offenders.  One unsupervised hour.

Drama. Comedy. Tragedy. History.

JASON
Right!  The plan - settle down, yeah, please - the plan is to use these weekly hour-long sessions to create - well - a show.  A play.

SMITHY
About what?

JASON
About us.

SUNNY/NEIL
Us?

SMITHY
Who gives a monkeys about us?

SUNNY
A play about a load of fucking teenage lags?

DELROY
What would we call it, fuckin' 'Bad Bwoys'?

KEIRAN
Bad lags!

SUNNY
Banged up!

NEIL
Lockdown, blood!

SUNNY
They done that movie, innit?

NEIL
This is a play, fool!

JASON
Screwface.

ALL look at him.

SMITHY
Who the fuck you calling Screwface?

JASON
No-one.  Everyone.  All of us.

NEIL
'Cause that's what they call us,, innit?  Angry yout' them going round with their face all twisted up, like.

JASON
Exactly - And we're surrounded by screws the whole time.

NEIL
And they're always in our face and that.  
(giving JASON five)
Feelin' it, blood! Feelin' it!

SMITHY
If that's what them cunts out there are calling us, why we going along with it though?

VICTOR
Irony.

All look at him.

VICTOR (CONT’D)
It's ironic.

SUNNY
'Ironic', what ho, Jeeves?

VICTOR
Ironic means like a slightly sarcastic joke.

SUNNY
You saying we're jokes?

VICTOR
I'm saying the title is a joke.  I think it's excellent.

SUNNY
Oh, do you Jolly well think so, old chap?  Top hole, what, what?
Who wants to see a play about a load of fucking losers in a nick anyway?  Doing what?  

SUNNY (CONT’D)
I'm being ironic, innit? - Banged up in a cell for twenty hours a fucking day - where's the fucking play in that?  

NEIL
He's right, man - prison is fucking boring - they'll be asleep in five minutes.

SUNNY
Who's this play for anyway?  Are people gonna come in and see it?

JASON
Dunno.  They might do. It's mostly for other prisoners, I suppose.

SUNNY
Oh, well then!

JASON
Well, I was thinking it would be a play about how we got here in the first place.  Our lives until now.  I mean, in this wing, we're basically here for the same thing.

SUNNY/NEIL/DELROY/KEIRAN
Murrrr...derrrrr!!!!

DELROY and KEIRAN have another little mock-fight.

JASON
Or manslaughter. But no two murders are the same.  And no two murderers.  We've all got different stories, yeah?   Lets tell em.  ...Cool?

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